Without You by my Side
by Lhmac
Summary: Rose has been stranded in an alternate universe and it is impossible to get back to her Doctor. So if her mind has accepted it, then why won't her heart?
1. Prologue

**This is my first attempt at a Doctor Who fanfiction... So, you know, if you don't like it, I'll get rid of it... and if you do, then hooray for me and I'll try to make the rest of this the same as the prologue, okay? I just want to please some readers. Enjoy and if you review, you'll probably make my day.  
Mikkifavo**

_It was beatiful while it lasted._  
Still. Rose didn't know, didn't understand why it was so hard for her to accept. She had known it was coming, she had known that she couldn't stay with him forever. It was a fact that she was forced to admit when Sarah Jane had crashed into her little dream world.  
_So then why did it feel so wrong?_  
It wasn't wrong. It was meant to happen... Sooner or later. But maybe she just wasn't ready. Maybe the inadequate goodbye kept it in her mind.  
_That still wasn't the reason. That is no reason to dwell on the past._  
He was cut off before he could say it. She had lived for those words.  
_No, it's more than that._

Something was nagging at Rose. She had tried to live and to forget the Doctor, but the second the final gap between the two universes closed, her mind had fallen apart. Every waking moment was filled with memories of the Doctor. Her dreams were of the Doctor. There was something wrong. Something that was supposed to happen before they parted ways. She felt that she needed him. She felt that she couldn't breathe without the thought of her Doctor by her side. She felt... She wished she felt nothing, wished she was still with him, wished she knew what was going on in her cluttered mind. She wished so much.

"What is wrong with me"  
Jackie looked up at Rose curiously. Rose looked down at her spot on the floor as if she had said nothing at all. Jackie could tell that something was wrong with her girl, and she thought she knew exactly what it was.  
"There's nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. You just miss him, that's all"  
Rose suddenly turned her attention to her mother, a startled look upon her face.  
"Did I just say that out loud?" She asked. Jackie frowned.  
"I thought you were asking me a question." Rose shook her head and stood up slowly. "Wait Honey. You can talk to me, you know you can." Rose shook her head again, but said nothing. She stared sadly into her mother's eyes for a few more seconds, then drifted out of the room.

**Well, you know, there's nothing to say except please review. I wanna know if my story should be dropped off the edge of niagra falls or some other place very high and/or wet. Thanks for reading, anyway.  
Mikkifavo**


	2. Living in a Memory

**Oh thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for the reviews! as my first three reviewers, i would like to thank WhisperLuna, RagamuffinSundrop and Scout Girl personally and openly. Luv ya. :)  
****Thankyou for saying I shouldn't throw it off the falls, coz I'll probably never go there anyway, and that would be a depressing thing to do on a holiday!  
****And yes, I know my summary included a line that would have been great in this story, but i wrote the summary after the chapter. That's usually when the best stuff comes out. I was planning to use it later. Kind of as the running line throughout.  
****Anyway, enough with the ranting, on with the story.**

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A year had passed. It was the anniversary of Bad Wolf Bay. Rose had fleetingly thought that it would be a good idea to revisit the last place she saw her Doctor, but she had countered her own thought, wondering why she would need to go to Norway when he was still with her anyway. The Doctor had touched her life in a way she never thought possible. It was like he was still with her. He had been on her mind since that day and he never left. The rational part of her mind had accepted the fact that she would never see him again, that she should live her life without him and without looking into her past. But her heart would never let her forget all the times they shared.  
She felt that their parting had been wrong and was forced to live with that heart-wrenching feeling every day of her life. If they were ever going to part, then she should have died. One of them should have died saving the other. It was impossibe... unimaginable that she had been forced into an alternate universe.  
So her memories haunted her.  
The TARDIS haunted her.  
HE haunted her.

Over the next year Rose's family had done their best to support her. There was something strange about the way she acted, an edgy little feeling that something with the girl who used to be so social and so full of life. It started small. At first it was quite easy to ignore her little outbursts. Saying something rude without meaning to or blurting out some kind of random thought when everything was silent - then she wouldn't even realise she had said anything at all.  
They all saw it as an inevitable side-effect of too much space and time travelling with The Doctor. Reality and life were now the strange things, and she lived in her mind with her memories. As the family got used to her quirks and learned to ignore them, they began to get more extreme. For a time, they thought that it was a way of getting attention, and tried to ignore that, too. But there was only so much they could ignore before it became a problem. The little comments in the silence were less and less coherent, and in the middle of a conversation, she would start to make senseless, off-topic remarks.  
The thing that distressed her mother the most was that Rose had no idea that she was doing it, and wouldn't believe that she was saying anything strange at all until the day they recorded her having a conversation. As Rose had listened, she stared into space as if it made some kind of sense to her, but she wouldn't explain it.  
The day that her worried mother had suggested she see a shrink, Rose had obliged to one visit, and when it was suggested that she admit herself to an institution, Rose took this to mean that she was too crazy and having a bad influence on her little sister. She promptly moved out and this decision had a worse effect on her mental health. She became gradually more insane as she spent more time on her own. Mickey would come to see her every so often, but his visits became less frequent as she started to make him nervous with her insane rants.

Rose was completely aware of the declining state of her mental health. She could see the sympathetic look Mickey's eyes whenever he visited. She was only ever aware of her outbursts when she saw someone react strangely to a comment she made, then she would cover her mouth and apologise. She often wondered why her mouth moved without her brain's permission.  
With the absence of a family or any friends, Rose began to feel that The Doctor was with her, watching her sleep or standing somewhere and watching her so she couldn't see him. She became concerned for herself the day she did see her insanity manifesting itself. The first time Rose saw him, she knew that she had gone insane. She went to the hospital and had an MRI, making sure there was no tumor, but her brain seemed to be working perfectly - except for the fact that she was insane.  
Rose would never commit herself to an institution. She didn't want to pump herself full of any kind of medication, and even if she did, she knew that The Doctor would never leave her. She knew that she wasn't hurting anyone with her insanity and some days she would be perfectly normal. Her job at Torchwood didn't involve a whole lot of human interaction, so she lived her life alone, always remembering her Doctor and the times they shared.  
Rose had also taken to recording herself talking with other people or just sitting in silence watching TV or reading a book and she spent long hours at home, playing back the tapes of her in silence, having a conversation with no one. Usually they were conversations that she could remember. The Doctor had been talking in the silence between her words, and some were just crazy talk or babble. The more insane her conversation with herself, the more Rose enjoyed listening to them and sometimes The Doctor would be sitting in her second armchair, listening along with her and smiling at the memories.

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**I forgot to mention that i was sorry for making the prologue so short. It was, what? 450 words? Including my author's note?  
****Anyway, this chapter is still setting the scene - well, the... uh... the whatever. But some kind of story will emerge some time, and you'll get the point of what I'm trying to say if you havn't got it already.  
****I know this isn't that much longer than my last chapter, but I said all I needed to say (unless you all thought there was something else?)  
****I also realise that I still didn't use that line. I have a variation of the line. But I don't know if i have a specific place to use that line, it's too good for my story. :p  
Thank**** you for reading, but reviews would be magnificent as well.  
Mikkifavo**


	3. Chapter 3

**I know this is really, REALLY short, but i was in a hurry to post something because I'm going away today. 24hour plane flights are really not fun. But please R&R coz it would probably be the best thing that will happen to me all week, and I know where the plot is going to go now. I just need to find a way to get it there. Enjoy.  
Mikkifavo**

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On the second anniversary of the day she had last seen the REAL version of her Doctor, Rose walked around her new London for the millionth time. It was pretty much the same as her old London. Of course, Buckingham Palace wasn't Buckingham Palace any more. There was no more queen. It was just some extra museum - another shrine to the glory days of England's empire. It felt weird to not have a monarch, to no longer sing "God save the Queen". With all of the traditions gone, the world felt... empty - or maybe that was just because of the Doctor. She looked up and saw the Torchwood tower. Was there another Doctor in this universe? The records had all been destroyed before the people could get to them - and she should know, she was respnsible for filing and processing and all of the mundane things in the business. She would have wished for a better job if she wasn't insane. She did help, though. Sometimes things would come to her attention that she would be able to explain to her coworkers and other times she would just show everyone why she had a dull desk job instead of heading an alien research area.

It was late in the afternoon, and Rose Tyler walked the crowded streets alone, taking in the sights as if she was a tourist. She felt him with her, and when she turned, she saw The Doctor's grinning face beside her. He held out his hand and she took it gratefully, perfectly aware that he wasn't there at all. She grabbed on to the arm that only she saw, and leaned in close to his imaginary body for warmth that wouldn't come.

"Told you I'd stay with you forever." She told her invisible Doctor. "And it's forever that you're going to get." A tear glistened in her eye. She knew she was mad and she didn't care, but she wished that her Doctor could really be with her. She wondered if he would be with her forever, if she would ever be free of this blessing and this curse upon her life. She walked into a fancy resteraunt, ready to splash out on an expensive meal because of the day. Then she would rent a depressing movie and go home to listen to what she had chosen to call her 'crazy tapes'.


	4. Sim

**I was right about reviews making me happy. I just got home from the airport, and didn't get much sleep on the plane (about 2hrs). I think I slept at Hong Kong's airport, though, because I closed my eyes and suddenly had some time missing… Be forewarned, half of this chapter was written in between watching King Kong and Over the Hedge on almost no sleep. The other half – typing on my computer at home after said plane trip, dirty, tired and irritable while my mum whined about cleaning the house. I even had to vacuum!**

* * *

Oh, the lucid days! Rose hated feeling sane because she just wanted the doctor – real or otherwise – to be with her again. The days when she didn't feel crazy were the days when Rose didn't feel alive. She felt alone without her Doctor because she had no friends and had basically been deserted by her family and Mickey. Sometimes she wished she had a friend who wouldn't look at her the way Mickey and her mother did every time she talked about the fact that her madness didn't bother her. She was glad she had never told them of The Doctor's existence in her mind, otherwise they'd probably have her forcibly committed. Her Dad – Pete Tyler – he could have that done. He was a busy man, and spent even less time with her than the others, but he didn't seem to mind when she taped their conversations or generally did insane things, he didn't seem to mind about much she did at all. She wasn't his child, after all. Rose dreaded the feelings of depression and anger that came about on her ineptly-named 'good days'.

Rose was flipping through files on her desk. They were all out of order – which may have been her fault on a 'bad day', but it didn't make her feel less angry about having to go through every file in her cabinet and un-staple and re-staple pages. Her irritable banging had created a silent and tense atmosphere in the large office room she worked in with six other anti-socials. She had just banged her stapler on her desk for the fiftieth time that day when a shadow crossed her desk. Rose glanced up at the face of the tall man with black hair and a short stubble beard before returning to her work. Years ago Rose would have been chatting this bloke up right away, even when she was with Mickey, but The Doctor had changed her so much that she barely looked at him. When the man didn't remove himself from in front of her desk, Rose looked up at him again, looking into his deep blue eyes that were partly hidden beneath his wild-looking fringe.

"Can I help you?" She asked in a slightly irritated voice. She was always short and unkind with people when her Doctor wasn't around to frown upon it. "I'm not in the customer service department, you know."

"Oh. I know." The man told her with a smile. "I'm new here and I just wanted to… look around, get my bearings, you know?"

"No." Rose grumbled as she returned to her work.

"I'm Sim. And you are?" Rose turned her name badge towards him, not even bothering to answer any more. "Rose Tyler, huh?"

"I'm so glad you can read." Rose remarked dryly.

"Yeah." The man didn't move away from her desk at his unwelcome reception.

"Why don't you go bother one of my numerous co-workers?" Rose asked him.

"Because they don't pay any attention to me, see?" Sim walked over to the desk nearest to Rose and stood in front of it. "Hi, I'm Sim and I'm new to Torchwood Tower." The girl at the desk – whose name Rose guessed may have been Tara, but wasn't sure – just made a face at her computer as she continued to work.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Rose muttered under her breath. Sim heard it, though, and approached Rose's desk once more.

"Because you're too nice a person. You're Pete Tyler's daughter, right?"

"Yeah." Rose sighed. She had resigned herself to talking to this man. He seemed to not get the idea that she wanted nothing to do with anyone else working at Torchwood, and talked to her quite happily even though her answers were usually one word and muttered. He wouldn't go away, and as he blabbed on about how great a man Pete Tyler was, Rose wished that he wasn't right about her being a generally nice person. She wished that for once she would yell at a poor confused new guy to leave her alone, but knew that it would never be in her, even if The Doctor left her permanently. Rose shuddered at the thought and Sim noticed.

"You know…" He started. "I came here because the people who work in my office swear that you would never interact with anyone in this building. They seem to have a weird idea of you in their minds, because you seem happy to me."

"Trust me, I'm not happy." She told him.

"Can you tell me why? Because no one else is willing to share your history with me."

"I think you'll find out soon enough. I might even tell you one day." Rose gave a slight smile as she looked back down at her work. While he didn't know she was mad, she might be able to engage in some interesting conversation with this man on her 'good days'.

"So, how about we share our lunch break tomorrow, then?" He asked her.

"We'll have to see." Rose told him, pretending to think about what her plans were. "I'll tell you if I'm free, okay?"

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**I don't know what you all think I think I'm doing, so please review me thoughts and stuff... yeah... maybe some sleep would be good... and a shower. Anyway. Hope you enjoyed it. I live to serve. No, I serve to live... wait. Oh, in MY house, yes.  
G'night (or morning, who knows in this world? It was saturday when i took a 24hr flight and i ended up in Monday. Oh where did my Sunday go? Why couldn't it have been Monday?)(see? tired tell me if this is bad and if i should re-write it. i probably won't, but anything to get reviews)  
Mikkifavo**


	5. Sim & Rose's mind

**Well, I had a job interview today. That was fun… maybe… I don't think I'm going to get it, I was never an optimist, and, as a writer, I am not really a people person. I think they wanted someone fun and bubbly.  
Anyway, thanks for reviews. Thank you to new reviewers and people who put my story on their favourites. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  
Yeah… I also read my AN's from my last chapter. The things you come up with when you can barely keep your eyes open… I liked it. I'm happy to say that after posting that chapter I went to bed and conked out – totally losing my Monday, as well. See? The universe all works out when you let it.**

* * *

Rose went out to lunch with Sim. She wasn't in any type of position to refuse an offer of friendship.

"You ready?" Sim asked her as he walked into her empty office a few minutes after it had been vacated in favour of lunch. Rose looked up at him and smiled.

"You bet." She said, making a sincere effort for the first time in years. There was something about Sim that drew her to him – something strange and soothing, and she didn't want to lose this feeling any time soon. "Where are we going?" She asked.

"Oh. I know this fancy café that you'll love."

OIOIIOIOI

Rose did like the café. She had walked past it often enough and had wanted to go in with somebody corporeal.  
It was the awful, soul-piercing stares that she didn't like. She ordered a coffee, but Sim shook his head at the offer of a drink. They waited patiently for the coffee as they searched the menu and chatted about work. After a few minutes of watching her forced smile, Sim leant across the table.

"Is there a reason why so many people are staring? It's kind of disturbing." He mumbled to her. He probably meant it as a joke, but Rose was sick of it. With an exasperated sigh, she stood up and abruptly left the table. She walked right out of the café, leaving the staring customers, the coffee she hadn't received and Sim.  
Sim caught up with her after a few minutes. He grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"What was with that, Rose? I had to explain why you left the coffee without even paying for it. Why did you leave, anyway?"

"I'm sick of being treated like a freak." Rose told him.

"A freak? Why?" Sim was genuinely confused, and rather than answering him, she just shook her head, turned and walked faster.

"I might see you some other time. I want to be alone now." Rose told him forcefully. Sim nodded sadly and dropped behind, leaving her with her own thoughts and longing for The Doctor to show his comforting - although imagined face once more.

OIOIOIOIOIIOI

That evening, when Rose was packing up for another night of listening to her crazy tapes, Sim showed up once more.

"You wanna come with me?" He asked her. Rose frowned at him.

"After what I did earlier today?" She questioned.

"I want you to tell me about it." He told her softly. Rose didn't answer, she just continued to pack up her desk, ready for another day of work tomorrow. "What?" Sim exclaimed suddenly. Rose looked up into his startled face and realised that maybe this wasn't one of her most lucid days at all.

"Nothing." She said quickly and guiltily.

"You know that you can tell me anything, right?"

"What! Sim, I barely know you."

"Yeah, but I feel like I know you." Sim told her sincerely. "Something about you makes me want to know you better." Rose bristled at the comment.

"Or…" She began spitefully. "You've just got some kind of bet going with the people here who say that I don't make friends with anyone here. You just want to prove how good you are to whatever new friends you've been making."

"It's true what they say! You don't seem to want to connect with anyone." Sim countered. "You are mental, Rose Tyler."

"You're right!" Rose yelled back at him. "I'm mad, crazy, insane; a complete nutter. You heard me earlier. I said something strange, and you know what? I don't even know what it was I said. I wasn't aware that anything had come out of my mouth. I don't know if you were just taking the mick when you said they didn't tell you what was wrong with me, but if you want to know. I AM MENTALLY ILL!" Rose stormed out of the office, wondering why she had reacted the way she had. She had never really admitted to anyone but herself that there was anything wrong with her at all. She just let them judge her state of mind for themselves. She was never really one to worry about anyone's opinion of her. She had let people's stares get to her in the café, and was ashamed. Sim had made her do it.  
He was different. He disarmed her and brought down the barrier that she had carefully kept up since the last time she had seen The Doctor. It was worrying her, so she wanted to see The Doctor, get him to tell her it was okay, that she could move on with her life and he would still be in her heart and even in her crazy mind. She needed to hear The Doctor say it because she didn't trust anything in her mind any more.

**

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This chapter wasn't exactly what I wanted it to be. I lost my notes for this chapter - a basic outline and some good parts of conversations… oh well, it's the way of the world, after all. Everything of mine becomes lost at some point.  
It's also funny how I could write a longer chapter when I was dead tired, but I struggled to get this one out while I'm not. Well, I'll try to do better for next time. Please review. I don't need them, but I loooove them. :)**

**Mikkifavo**


	6. You Don't Exist

**Reviews make me so happy I sing. Of course, my favourite song right now is Who Knew, by Pink, which is not really appropriate. Other than that, all that pops into my head is You Make me Sing by Kasey Chambers, who is infinitely less famous than pink. Neither song is particularly appropriate to writing fanfics and getting reviews- I don't think I ever have heard a song that might be. :)  
****Its funny how disappointment works. I'm only writing this story now because I was gonna go out with a friend and was disappointed yet again. I don't know why I always hope for something more, I should just reign myself to the fact that no one's ever gonna keep a promise to me. Stupid universe again, but this time the stupid universe makes everything all right with my story. By the way, I found my notes for the last chapter. Just a little bit too late.**

* * *

It was a week before Sim got to confront Rose once again. Rose was doing a good job of avoiding her pain-in-the-neck co worker at Torchwood until she was forced to stay back late to do some filing. Sim stood in the doorway, watching her finish her work silently, making Rose feel uncomfortable. She wanted to scream at him to leave, but knew that course of action would not resolve anything at all.

"There's something wrong with you." Sim called out to her from his place in the doorway. Rose was sick of his annoying voice, and resolved she wasn't going to be nice.

"Oh really?" Rose asked him sarcastically. "That's very observant of you. What gave it away? Was it me saying things that don't make sense, everyone staring or the fact that I see someone who's not there." Rose only realised what she had said after Sim replied. He walked up to her and Rose saw the look of pity on his face.

"You see people who aren't there?" He asked. Rose looked at him, horrified that she had just let out her deepest, darkest secret. She sighed, she may as well tell him, she wasn't planning on being his friend, after all, so what did it matter what she told him so long as he would leave her alone.

"Not people." She pointed out. "One person."

"And what's his name?" Sim enquired curiously.

"It doesn't matter." Rose snapped at him. She didn't like this game of leaving herself exposed, but for some reason couldn't help but pour her heart out.

"It does. Now I'm intrigued. Who is this imaginary friend of yours?" Rose didn't like his patronising tone, but continued anyway.

"He's not imaginary. He's someone I used to know." Rose felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She hadn't talked about The Doctor since Bad Wolf Bay, and it didn't hurt any less now than it had all those years ago.

"Oh." Sim said sympathetically, his tone softening as he looked into her eyes.

"Just… just leave me alone." Rose said, turning so that she could let the tears drip from her eyes. Sim grabbed her arm and turned her to face him, wiping a tear from her cheek.

"I'm sorry." He told her. "Is it someone you lost?"

"No." Rose whispered. "It's someone who lost me." While Sim stood there looking confused, Rose pulled her arm out of his grasp. "And it's not something I want to talk about." She said slightly louder. With that comment, she escaped the room, noting that Sim had not tried to follow her. She was grateful because she just wanted somewhere to cry the tears that had been waiting for so long to come out. She hadn't cried for The Doctor since the first day she had seen him, as if her heart didn't accept that he still wasn't with her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"You don't exist." Rose had been surprised to find Sim on her doorstep, but she was even more surprised by the words that came out of his mouth in the first moment he had seen her. No hello, just those words. "How are you here?" He asked her. Rose looked at him as if he was the crazy one, but knew that he'd found out something, and she wanted to know what. She moved aside so that Sim could enter her flat. She turned her back on him to walk to the kitchen

"Do you want a cup of tea?" She asked as she heard him enter and close the door behind him. "This might take a while."

"Yeah." Sim said, sounding a bit dazed. "How did you-"

"Wait." Rose cut him off pleadingly. "Wait and maybe I'll answer some questions for you. Go and sit down."

Rose had the tea ready in no time, and she handed one to Sim as she sat in the chair opposite him. In that fleeting moment, Rose wondered why she even had two chairs. Mickey was her only visitor, and when he came, it was just a couple of minute check-up for her mother because she couldn't bear to come see her daughter herself. She pushed the reflection aside and looked at Sim thoughtfully. He, in turn, seemed to be deep in thought, staring down at her blue carpet with too much interest.

"What did you find out?" Rose sighed, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"You… you're Pete Tyler's daughter."

"Yes. We've already established that." Rose felt a pang of sympathy as whatever he had found out seemed to be driving him crazy. "Is there something wrong with that?" She prompted. Sim looked up at her sharply, a hard expression on his face.

"I know everything about Pete Tyler. I knew there was something strange about your name when I first met you. Pete Tyler doesn't have a daughter."

"Yes he does. He has two." Rose pointed out, wondering where this was going. Pete had made sure to make a fake birth certificate for her when she entered this world, and who could forget her innocent little sister who had been the reason she was forced to leave her home in the first place.

"When I was younger…" Sim trailed off, looking into Rose's eyes. "Twenty years ago, Pete Tyler did not have any children. I thought so, and I looked it up in the old newspaper archives. Pete and Jackie Tyler had no children to share their fortune with." He said, pain etching his features as if he was trying to hard to think. "So then how are you here?" Rose opened her mouth to say something, but never got the chance as Sim continued. "And your mother, Jackie Tyler, she died in the Cybus industries incident three years ago, so your little sister can't exist, either." He held his head in his hands. "Maybe you're not the crazy one, Rose Tyler. There was nothing you said yesterday that sounded crazy to me. I must be mad, because I can remember things that never happened. In my memory, Jackie, your mother, died, and Pete was left with no one because he didn't have any children, either."

"Uhh…" Rose was at a loss at what to say to this. When Mickey had gone around changing the records on everything, they had not counted on either newspaper archives (didn't everyone use the earpieces to download news back then?) or people's memories. She sat in an uncomfortable silence, Sim looking intently at the floor once again, and Rose trying to think of anything to say to make it better. There was only one phrase that came to mind.

"You're right." She told him. Sim looked up at her again. "I can't exist." She admitted to him. "At least not in this world… but if I told you, you'd never believe me."

"Try me." Sim said softly. "I can believe an awful lot."

"Do you believe in alternate universes?" She asked him.

"No."

"Then you won't believe my story." Rose told him. "I am from an alternate universe. I was trapped here by mistake and I stayed with Pete Tyler."

"Why? He never seemed like the kind of man to take in strangers. I met him once."

"Because of my mother. My mother is Jackie Tyler."

"But… but… I don't understand."

"I was the daughter of Pete and Jackie Tyler in my own universe, and when his Jackie died… my Mum filled the gap."

"So that's how she's still alive." Sim commented, looking up at the ceiling.

"You believe me?" Rose asked. "You don't just think I'm insane?"

"Well, at this point, I don't have any other choice than to believe you. It's the only thing that makes sense. I don't think any of it sounds crazy at all. Who told you that you were insane?" He asked. Rose gave a wobbly kind of smile.

"I don't need anybody to tell me." She said. "I blurt out things I don't mean to and speak gibberish without knowing that I've said anything at all."

"How do you know that you do it, then?" He asked.

"I record myself. I record my conversations with people and the times I sit on my own in silence. Then there's him."

"Him? The one who lost you, right? It's making more sense. Someone who you left behind. Was it a brother? A husband?"

"No, nothing like that. He was just… The Doctor." She choked out the last two words, and Sim looked distressed. He moved over to the armrest of her chair and put his arms around her. He didn't seem to know what to say, and Rose was grateful that he said nothing at all. She couldn't stand another 'it's going to be okay' line, because it was never going to be okay ever again.

"Thanks for sharing this with me." Sim mumbled as he held her close to him. "I have the feeling that you just keep all of that bottled up inside you, right?" Rose nodded in reply and stayed silent. "You can cry if you want." Sim comforted her. "He must have been a great man."

* * *

**Woo hoo! My longest chapter yet. I know it's probably not long enough for all of you guys. I could continue, but it wouldn't seem right… I don't know… I just can't write a really long chapter. I was looking at the live preview of my last chapter, and it didn't turn out looking like I wanted it to, so I'm going to have to re-post it. Strange weirdness! I even went into the edit chapter to make my changes!  
****Well, about Kasey Chambers: I recommend that any aussie have a listen to her new album. It's my favourite album right now. :)  
****Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.  
****Mikkifavo**

**By the way, breaking up paragraphs is probably the most annoying thing in the world on this site. I can't find anything that looks right, so i'm using o's. :)**


	7. Sim Meets Mickey

**By all means, correct me. Thank you to the anonymous reviewer who decided to. I don't get corrected enough. It's not that I'm never wrong, just that no one really bothers to (or maybe nobody notices my mistakes). Made me feel happy. Wish I could say thanks to more than 'anonymous reviewer,' though. So, you know… on with my story. Coz I like getting reviews, and in my mind, more chapters more reviews. And oh yeah! I finally have an average of 1000 words a chapter. I didn't realise I wrote so much in the last one – mostly because I went into the editor after I uploaded it and fixed it. Yes, I double check my work, so if there's something that's horribly, horribly wrong I take complete responsibility for my awful neglect of the English language.**

**Anyway, I said I was going to get on with it, sorry. I did warn you if any of you read my profile.**

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Rose suddenly had someone to talk to who didn't mind in the slightest about what she said in her crazy moments. She liked the feeling it gave her. Sim accepted her like… like The Doctor would have, although he would have probably tried to fix her, too. Sim had tried to fix her – in his own special way. Of course, a human never had the chance of fixing anything technical, least of all her brain. Rose had the feeling that not even The Doctor could help her now.

She was still blurting out strange sentences that may or may not have been in English, but Rose no longer saw The Doctor. It was as if just because she had a new friend in Sim, he didn't need to be there any more. Whenever Rose was alone at night, she would think of The Doctor, and even though she felt less depressed when he wasn't around, she wished that he was back with her. After all, a fake Doctor was better than no Doctor at all. He still lived in her heart, and she would never let him go. Not ever. Not for anyone. Not for the sake of her own life – she had risked it for him quite a few times before, anyway.

OIOIOIO

"That's you talking?" Sim asked her while listening to one of her crazy tapes in her room. Rose nodded. Sim frowned. "Who are you talking to?" He asked. "It sounds like a rational conversation with no one."

"Oh, you see, that was a conversation… once." He stared and she remembered that she needed to explain. "They're kind of… conversations from my memories. This one…" She laughed mirthfully. "This one was with The Doctor and my Mum. I never understood why he was so scared of her." As she spoke and remembered her mother with the Doctor, the joy slowly faded from her eyes. Sim noticed and knew just the right question to ask to make it worse.

"Where is your Mum?" He asked. "I've been over here a lot and… does she come to see you during the week instead of on the weekends?" Rose's eyes darkened.

"My Mum doesn't come to see me at all." She said tonelessly. "It makes her too… stressed to see me." Rose struggled with the end of her sentence, no longer able to hide the pain in her voice or features. She felt them contort to a look of hopelessness and cringed as Sim watched her sympathetically.

"Your mother doesn't know what wonderful times she's missing out on with you, and she won't for a long time." He said sadly, rather than trying to unnecessarily comfort her. He put his arm around her. "She'll see that you're not crazy some day, and she'll bring your little sister and Pete, and you can all be a family again." Rose nodded sadly at his over the top optimism. There was a knock at the door and Rose looked up at it quickly and just stared. She stared so long that there was another knock.

"Should I go and answer it for you?" Sim asked jokingly, inclining his head towards the door. Rose stood up slowly and approached it. She held her breath before answering, but as soon as the door was open, Mickey barged in, heading straight for the kitchen.

"Mickey." Rose realised that she was still holding her breath and she let it out, wondering why she had felt the need to hold it in the first place. "What are you doing here? You didn't call." She asked him breathlessly.

"Thought I'd left you alone too long." Mickey explained, focusing all his attention on filling her kettle with water and watching it boil.

"I'm not really alone." Rose told him quietly, as if it was a secret.

"Oh?" Mickey asked. "Have you met someone, then?" He raised his eyebrows at her.

"No, it's not like that. He's a friend."

"Ooh. And he's a HE, too." Mickey taunted.

"Stop it." Rose laughed. She hadn't talked like this to Mickey in a long time. Her eyes crossed the room to her bedroom doorway, where Sim was now standing, his arms folded across his chest. "He's here too, you know." Rose told him.

"Well then, by all means get him to come out so you can introduce us."

"Come over, Sim." Rose called. Mickey didn't look in the direction of the bedroom, he just stared at Rose, even when Sim stood right next to her.

"Sim, this is Mickey, I've told you about him before. Mickey, this is Sim. I work with him." Mickey just stared at her worriedly.

"Mickey! Is it that shocking that I have someone new in my life?" She demanded.

"No, it's not. He's just…" Mickey trailed off, looking Sim up and down. "I don't know if he's the right guy to be your friend." Rose looked at Sim, who was frowning at Mickey.

"Just what do you mean by that?" Sim challenged him. Mickey looked back at Rose's angry face and stuttered.

"I didn't mean… I just… It's all… maybe I'm a little jealous." He admitted weakly and looked down at the floor. Rose didn't believe him, because she and Mickey were over a long time ago, and Mickey would NEVER admit to being jealous of another man. This was something else entirely. There was something that he didn't like about Sim, and Rose wanted to find out, but not in front of Sim.

The kettle made a noise as it finished boiling and Mickey jumped. "Well, I'd better be going. I'll leave you two to whatever you were doing and I'll see you some other time, Rose." As Mickey walked past them, he inclined his head somewhat awkwardly to Sim. "Very… nice to meet you, Sim." He said before opening the door and disappearing out into the hallway.

Rose just stared after him at the closed door. She never wanted Mickey to reject any of her friends, but she needed Sim. Mickey hardly ever came to visit her, so she was alone. Not even her imaginary Doctor was around to keep her company any more, and she was in desperate need of some company and cheering up.

"Maybe I should leave." Sim suggested quietly.

"No…" Rose breathed softly. She waited a few seconds, then moved her attention away from the door and on to Sim. "No." She said more firmly. "If Mickey doesn't like you, then I don't care."

"But you when you talk about Mickey, you've said that you respect his opinion more than anyone else's."

"Mickey's been wrong before." She told him. "Mickey never wanted me to travel with The Doctor, so maybe Mickey isn't the authority on my friends." She brightened as she looked towards the kettle that had recently boiled. "I'll get us both a cuppa and we can listen to my gibberish crazy tapes, okay?" She smiled at Sim and he smiled back. "Why? Are they better than your conversations with no one?"

"You bet." Rose told him. "They even sound like one of my conversations with no one, only in gibberish."

**

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The anonymous reviewer and Scout Girl and maybe some others have many interesting theories on what is going to happen, although I am not at liberty to comment on where this story is going. Well, I am, but I like secrecy. I also like to blab a whole lot and tell everyone everything about my life: I have none, except for the job interviews that I have lined up this week.**

**You know, I was also just thinking about Sim. In a review someone said who is Sim or something along those lines. I just made up the name on the spot and thought 'well, that fits.' That's a bit weird for me, I usually agonise over the naming of characters. Forgive my ranting. **

**Yeah, I know this chapter was shorter than the last one, it's just that I know where I'm going with the next chapter, and it would have spoiled the effect of this one for me to continue. Plus, two chapters in one day? I'm spoiling you guys. I've never updated so much in my life. I used to wait a week for my other stories.**

**Anyway... reviewing is fun. If you give a ranting review, then you'll get me back for my blabbing about nothing, and i'll really have to read it if you diguise a compliment in there somewhere. I'm actually serious about reviewing being fun. I even reply to reviews (but i just like to talk, don't i?). Hope you enjoyed this.**

**Mikkifavo**


	8. Chapter 8

**Ha! Anonymous reviewer mystery solved! There's some kind of joy in that. Having 'anon' in a review isn't very personal. I wouldn't suggest making anonymous reviews. And, speaking of reviews, congrats to Rach6 and WhisperLuna who finally said what we were all thinking (well, maybe). Of course, I'm not planning to discuss exactly who Sim is with all of you. I'm hoping that I can convey my message in a concise way through my writing… Which is just another way of poking my tongue out at you all and taunting "Nah, nah nee nah nah. I'm not telling you." But that would be a little immature of me, wouldn't it? **

**Without further ado, I give you my chapter name, which I didn't want to put in the list because that would spoil it. Hehe, not that I'm not spoiling it for all of you, you just had to wait a while before you could see it.**

**8. Sim meets… The Doctor?**

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**Rose smiled at the apparition in her bedroom. If she hadn't known it was impossible, she would have been completely sure that he was really in her room, watching her sleep with that silly, proud grin on his face, as if she was his. 

"Did you miss me?" He asked as she slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Rose smiled.

"When have I ever not missed you?" She asked sleepily.

"Never." He said softly, sitting on the end of her bed, but the bed did not acknowledge his presence. None of it moved. He wasn't really there.

"Can you tell me?" She asked hopefully. "Is it time for you to tell me, yet?"

"Rose…" The Doctor sighed sadly. "You know that I can't do that. Only he can tell you. It would be empty coming from me."

"Tell me anyway." Rose's filled with tears and The Doctor looked alarmed.

"No Rose, don't cry." He pleaded, removing himself from the end of her bed in order to envelop her in a hug. "Why do you want me to tell you I love you?" He asked. "You know I was going to say it anyway, and it won't get rid of your pain."

"You're right. It didn't." Rose told him, breaking out of his hug and wiping her eyes. "But it was good to hear you say it." The Doctor smiled slightly at her, and jumped up once more.

"So…" He began. "Who's this Sim character that you've been hanging out with, then?" Rose blushed a little.

"He's just a friend." She told him.

"Oh, I think he's so much more than a friend, Rose Tyler. I think he's taken my place. You aren't as sad as you were the last time I was here."

"No." Rose stated firmly. "No one could ever take your place, Doctor." The Doctor chuckled.

"I didn't mean the real me. I just mean… I haven't been around as much since he's been with you."

"That's not my fault." Rose almost cried again.

"Shhh. No. That's not what I meant." The Doctor comforted her, cupping her cheek in his hand. "It's just that you've got someone other than me to share your problems with, Rose."

"Maybe I have." Rose stated contemplatively. "But Doctor… Don't ever leave me." He smiled broadly at her.

"You know I never will. As long as I can make you feel crazy, I'll stay."

OIOIOIOI

"Rose?" She heard Sim's voice call out to her, but hadn't heard the door open or close. He had to have been really quiet. Or maybe she was just too engrossed in the act of looking into her Doctor's eyes to realise that anyone had entered her flat.

"Hang on a minute." She called out to him. "I just got outta bed, so just wait there and make me a cup of tea." She ignored the sounds that started coming from her kitchen and looked back up into The Doctor's face. "Don't leave me just because he's here." She told him. "I want you with me all day today."

"And it's all day today that you're going to get, my beautiful Rose. You know I could never resist your charms… or demands." He pretended to cringe and Rose smiled at him, pretending to hit him with her pillow. "Do I have to get out while you change?" He asked suggestively.

"Just turn around." She laughed at him. "And don't peek. I don't care if you're real or not."

"I'm real to you." The Doctor whispered in her ear as he leant on her shoulder. She shrugged him off.

"I need to go out and see Sim." She told him. "He wouldn't come in with his key and this early in the morning unless it was important." The Doctor nodded and moved into the corner, turning to face the wall.

"You really do like him." He mumbled into the wall, sounding a little bit hurt.

"Doctor…" Rose sighed. She was only half dressed, but she went up and hugged him around the middle. He didn't turn around; he obviously knew that she wasn't fully dressed yet. He just held her hands around his middle, making little circles as he rubbed her fingers.

"I wish we could be together, but if you love Sim, then it's okay with me."

"You know no one could ever take your place." She murmured into his back.

"Have you told him?" The Doctor asked her. "About me, I mean."

"I told him who you were."

"But nothing else?"

"Doctor, you already know everything that I do."

"Yes, but I don't know what you do with him. Sim is a complete mystery to me. Like I can't get into the part of your mind that he's in."

Rose was confused, and she opened her mouth to say so, but was interrupted by a yell from Sim.

"Rose!" If you're not out of there in five minutes I'm coming to forcibly get you out of that bed." Rose sighed and moved over to her cupboard. She pulled a t-shirt off its hanger and pulled it over her head.

"I'm ready, Doctor. You can come out with me if you like. Meet Sim and see what he's like."

"You go talk to him first. I don't want to interrupt your time with him."

"What do you-?"

"Talk to him without looking at me for a while." The Doctor cut her off forcefully. "When I'm in the room…"

"All I see is you." Rose finished for him. "Okay." She said finally. "Just don't disappear on me again." Rose left the room and approached Sim.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." He said happily.

"You're here early." Rose pointed out. "I was having a good dream before you came in."

"What kind of dream?" Sim raised his eyebrows at her.

"Not a dream about you." Rose said pointedly, slapping him on the shoulder as she picked up her tea.

"You aren't going to tell me, then?" He asked, looking up into Rose's eyes with his puppy dog look.

"No. And that face isn't going to work, either." She sipped her tea. "Why are you here so early, anyway?" She asked him.

"I… well… I wanted to…" Sim stumbled over his words. Rose was curious. Sim was usually so confident, so what could possibly be making him this tongue-tied? He looked over her shoulder at something, and Rose was about to turn to see what he was looking at, but he stopped her. "Is there anyone else here?" He asked her seriously. "Because I could-"

"Don't be silly." Rose looked up into his eyes. "Who else would be here so early in the morning?"

"Well then I must be crazy too." Sim stated. "Because I can see your Doctor."

"What?" Rose spun to see The Doctor standing in the doorway between her bedroom and the kitchen. "You heard me talking to him, didn't you?" Rose asked suspiciously. "And now you're making fun of it because I haven't seen him since I met you."

"No, Seriously. If your Doctor is here, then I can see him." Sim was looking over towards the doorway, too.

"Yeah right." Rose said sarcastically. She sipped her tea once more and then put it down on the bench. "Now-"

"He's standing in the doorway, right?" Sim cut her off.

"Anyone could see me staring that way." Rose countered.

"He's wearing a pinstriped suit." Sim told her.

"You've got a good memory. I can't even remember telling you that." Rose conceded.

"No!" Sim said loudly. "I see him there." Rose was no longer smiling as if it was all a joke. She stepped backwards and felt The Doctor step up behind her protectively – not that there was much he could do about a real person. He could comfort her, and that was all she needed from him. He didn't need to be her protector any more. "I'm not going to hurt you." Sim held up his hands in defeat. "I just wanted you to know I can see him, standing behind you with his hand on your shoulder, looking like he wants to hurt me for scaring you." Rose glanced at The Doctor, who just shrugged.

"Wasn't me." He stated simply.

"See?" Sim said excitedly. "I can hear him, too. He just said… wait. What wasn't him?"

"This boy is intriguing. Where'd you find him?" The Doctor asked her, stepping closer to Sim. "He seems to share in your delusions."

"But… how?" Rose gaped at him, open-mouthed.

"Better not try to explain it. It'll hurt your head." The Doctor told her cheerfully. "It was obviously something to do with you."

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**I know, I know. I'm evil. So sue me. You don't even know my full name. I misled everyone, of course, and there's no way you're EVER going to get me to talk about what happens. With that in mind, though… I respect my readers and, you know. Don't want to lose you all. I'm not trying to insult you or anything. It's just fun to be misleading… although I did put a question mark in the chapter title. Anyway, please review. Tell me off for being evil or whatever. I like hearing people's thoughts on what I'm writing. **

**By the way, If I tell you all that my story is coming to an end, will some of you want to hurt me or want to write an especially passionate review about how I could have continued it on for longer and made it more interesting with more fights and aliens and crazy stuff – hey, maybe Sim is an alien! I know that I have been particularly disappointed when in the course of the story the author has written that it is drawing to a close, when there's so much potential for more in their story.**

**Alas, sadly, my vision of where this fic would go is reaching its end. There's not much more I can write without ruining my original place for this story to go.  
****If I tell you all its ending, is it one of those spoilers that I hate so much? Or does the fact that I didn't specify how many chapters there are to go mean that this fic could still go anywhere?**

**And would it make it better is I said I was planning a sequel? What do you think? **

**And oh yeah, i took so long to write this chapter that i couldn't be bothered to check it. maybe i will some day, but forgive any spelling errors**

**Mikkifavo**


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't have a name for this chapter - as much as i'd like one. This chapter is just to show you something. As much as you do not want Rose to fall in love with Sim... I'm going to do it anyway. But of course, The Doctor will never be out of Rose's thoughts. See? i spoiled the chapter for you. Yay for me. I just wanted to warn you. **

**Thankyou for all of your reviews. I like it how the further i get in the story, the longer the reviews get. I like to see people trying to figure out my mystery, because that was not originally what i wanted the story to be about. It's always fun when something unexpected comes your way, and i have been trying to get any and all of my friends to read it so that they can guess at who Sim is, too. Gives me a buzz to know something that everyone else doesn't know. :)**

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The Doctor hadn't left Rose at all since a very confused - and maybe a little annoyed - Sim had tried to act casual as he fled her apartment. It was a Monday, and Rose had decided to take a sick day for the first time in two years. The Doctor was there, looking at her with his concerned gaze. Neither of them had tried to start a conversation, but Rose was just ecstatic that The Doctor would stay around for so long. As Rose wandered through her kitchen, looking for the ingredients for a perfect sandwich, he stood in her lounge room, staring around at the chairs as if he hadn't sat down for a week.Rose was tempted to make him some lunch as well, but the fact that he looked confused as to whether he should make it look as if he could actually sit down or not reminded Rose that he wasn't actually there. Sometimes her mind could convince her that The Doctor she lived with now was actually corporeal. The Doctor suddenly looked at her as if he had been feeling her thoughts - which he probably had been doing, seeing as how he was a part of her mind. She looked took her eyes off The Doctor to concentrate on her food. When she looked up, The Doctor was standing in between the kitchen and the lounge, no longer concerned with the question of sitting or standing. Rose smiled and took a bite from her sandwich as she watched him.

"You can't ignore him forever, you know." He told her. "Not going to work just so that you don't have to see him is really not going to solve the problem."

"What problem?" Rose asked him, her mouth full of bread. "I don't have any problem with Sim." The Doctor sighed.

"Rose, I'm in your mind. I think I would know when... you know what? It's just not worth it. If you want to ignore Sim, then it doesn't really matter to me. Sim is... I can't even see what Sim means to you."

"Yeah." Rose said distantly. She gazed intently into her sandwich. "Hang on. What?" She asked, suddenly looking back up at The Doctor.

"I can't get to anything about him in your mind." The Doctor told her calmly. "The only things I know about Sim is what you've told me out loud." Rose put the food down on a plate and approached The Doctor cautiously.

"But you LIVE in my mind." She told him. "You should be telling me what I feel about him."

"No." The Doctor stared away from her into space. "Something is blocking me from him. It's like Sim and I just can't be... it has something to do with why he can see me, though." The Doctor told her, looking back into her eyes. "Maybe you DO love this man."

"No." Rose said, hurt by his tone. "No, I could never love anyone else. Don't even suggest that."

"You have to move on with your life some time." The Doctor consoled her. "It's been over two years. You have to let me go."

"No!" The Doctor looked surprised at her outburst. She had never yelled at him before, and felt the niggling feeling that now her neighbours would know she was crazy as well. "No." She repeated softly. "I never want you to leave me. You did it once, remember, and i told you never to do it again. Without you, I'd lose my will to live here."

"No, I don't remember." The Doctor said softly, shaking his head. "That wasn't me. Why don't you understand that? Holding on to me is holding on to something that doesn't exist any more."

"That's the thing." Rose told him seriously. "You ARE real. You're The Doctor, right down to the annoying sense of nobility that makes you feel like you should leave me alone to live my life. It was my decision to stay with you, and I said forever."

"But you can't give me forever." He argued.

"Can I kiss you?" Rose asked, changing the subject abruptly and leaning in as close to his face as was possible without touching him. The Doctor blinked in surprise.

"It will only be in your head." He said apologetically.

"I don't care. Can I?" The Doctor hesitated. "See? You are him. He wouldn't have let me kiss him, either." The Doctor bristled at the statement.

"Go on then, this should be interesting." He invited her. Before he could finish giving his smug look, Rose had pulled his head down to hers and enveloped his lips in the promised kiss. She didn't care that she was just proving him right - maybe they were both proving one another right - but she had wanted to press her lips onto his careless laughing lips for a very long time - it seemed like her entire lifetime had been waiting for a moment like this. She pulled away from his smiling face as she thought about that. A moment LIKE this, but not this moment. The Doctor had his eyes closed, but opened them slowly to look at her worried face. He had the knowing smile etched across his own features once more.

"Was it everything you expected?" He asked finally, raising an eyebrow to emphasise is point.

"I've kissed you before." She pointed out.

"Yeah, with Cassandra controlling your body." He scoffed at her.

"I didn't hear you complaining that day."

"That was the first sign to me that something was wrong." He defended guiltily. "It was what led me to-"

"Oh, you're not fooling me. I heard what you said after I kissed you."

"I didn't say anything." He pouted. That face removed all of Rose's resolve and she kissed him again, this time not pausing to think about anything but him - no alternate universe, no fake Doctor's and no Sim would ruin this moment for her - that would all have to wait until later.

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I wish i could say exactly how many chapters i have left in this, but it is impossible to tell because it all depends on my thoughts and what kind of whim i decide to write the next chapter on. At least i know how it ends.

I am definitely writing a sequel, though.

**Yeah, please review. I always have to ask, even if those who are going to review will do it anyway and those who aren't going to still wont. Please? If you don't review normally, then do it just this once? I'm almost finished... please?**

**Mikkifavo**


	10. Goodbye

**Before I start, I have to thank TANIA - without whom this chapter would never have made sense to me (maybe not to any of you, either). She's not my beta, but she helped me along when i was pulling at my hair trying to figure out how to make this work. (Time shifts are not my thing and my vocab really sucked today.) Now I've made this about me. I should just say thank you and stop there. :) Thanks again Tania. (even if you couldn't tell me what colour Sim's eyes were)**

**I also have to thank my reviewers. WhisperLuna,** **Adelian** **Scout Girl, RagamuffinSundrop, agapi16, horsefly, Suppermagicgirl, zowiemagic, Rach6 and Black Sorceress. Thank you so much. I wouldn't have 39 reviews without you.**

**Now, on with my teasing...**

**HA! I'm going to make you all hate me, just with my first couple of lines. (hehe, i'm writing this listening to Doctor Who in the background because one of my brothers is watching it. The only reason I'm not is because of YOU. I hope you're happy)**

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"Rose Tyler, I love you." 

Rose looked into Sim's eyes. He wasn't who she had wanted to hear those words from - at least, not when she first met Sim. But he was real, and her Doctor wasn't. She saw now, there could not be anything real with someone who just... wasn't there.

OIOIOIOI

**_The night before_**

_Rose looked out of her apartment window at the stars. Every night before she went to bed she wished she could go out to see those stars in the TARDIS. If she had just one last chance she wouldn't take it for granted. She looked down at the street as she felt him standing behind her, watching. It was only then that she saw the unmistakable figure of Sim standing underneath the street light, holding his jacket tightly around him. He was watching the front door, but not doing anything more. The Doctor brushed up against her arm as he stood next to her. He looked up at the stars and Rose removed her gaze from the figure below them. _

_"I know you want to go back to the stars, Rose... and I wish I could give them to you. I'm not... qualified to take the place of the one you love..." He looked down at the street slowly and sadly. "But he's real and I'm not. Any idiotic ghost of a memory can see that you'd be better off with someone who's... there. Someone who can take care of you."_

_"Doctor?" Rose was no longer looking out of the window. The only thing she could see was The Doctor's pained expression as he spoke. She gently pulled him back inside and closed the window. He moved out of her grasp and sat down on her bed. Rose sat next to him and put her hand on his knee._

_"Rose..." He began. He looked into her eyes, but then looked down at his hands quickly. He continued without looking at her. "Rose... I can't... be with you any more."_

_"No!" Rose exclaimed. Jumping up from the bed. "YOU don't get to decide when you leave me. Only I can. You're in MY mind!" The Doctor still didn't look at her._

_"Yes, and I can feel what you feel... for him. You won't let yourself be with him because of me." When The Doctor spoke, it was barely a whisper. He looked as if he was about to cry for the first time in... ever. "You know I love you Rose, but you also know that my love is as fake as I am."_

_"No, your love means something." Rose cried to him. He finally looked up, eyebrows furrowed and an apologetic look in his eyes._

_"I'm not here, Rose. I'm not here and I never will be. Why won't you just accept that you lost me over two years ago and just LET ME GO." He took long, deep breaths as he spoke the last words. "You can't keep telling me what to do just because you're the one who created me. You made me to be me, and I know when to let go. I never thought you'd fall in love with anyone other than me, so I went along with it, because that's what I'd do. But if you had another love Rose..." He gave her the smallest of sad smiles. "I wouldn't let you say no because of me."_

_"But-"_

_"No." The Doctor cut her off, placing a finger on her lips. "There's no time for anything but goodbye." He kissed her lips gently and Rose closed her eyes as she felt all the love she had for this man ebb through her._

_"Don't leave me." She pleaded once more as he pulled away. She still had her eyes closed and she felt his fingers lvingly caress the side of her face once more before they... just faded away. Rose opened her eyes, the tears dripping freely but silently down her cheeks. She closed her eyes once more and dropped forward onto her bed. It was a battle for Rose's heart between Sim and The Doctor, and without even realising it, Sim had won. She wouldn't hold it against him. It was The Doctor's choice for her life, and she had been making the choices in his life for so long, she owed him his last wish._

OIOIOIOIOIO

Rose woke up late in the morning and looked out of her window. Sim seemed to be trying to decide whether he should press the buzzer for her apartment or not. She looked down at her clothes. They were crumpled because she had slept in them - simply lying on her bed and crying until she couldn't stay awake any more. She didn't care. She walked purposefully to her door and hurried downstairs. When she opened the front door, Sim was there.

"Don't you have a key?" She asked.

"I thought... what's wrong?" Sim had obviously noticed her puffy eyes and dishevelled look. His eyes pointedly displayed his concern for her.

"He left me Sim. So you don't have to worry about interrupting us by coming up."

"He left? But Rose... he was... right?"

"He can do whatever he wants." Rose said bitterly. She started to turn away, wondering why she had even come out in the first place, but Sim turned her back to face him.

"I've been meaning to say something to you for a while." He told her nervously.

"What?" Rose didn't even pretend to look interested. Sim took her hand and looked into her eyes. His deep blue eyes pierced hers, leaving her at his mercy.

"Rose Tyler, I love you." Rose looked into Sim's eyes. He wasn't who she had wanted to hear those words from - at least, not when she first met Sim. But he was real, and her Doctor wasn't. She saw now, there could not be anything real with someone who just... wasn't there. She stared into his eyes, feeling his burn into her soul, for what seemed like hours. She looked away guiltily.

"I love you, too." She told him without looking at him. "The Doctor made me see that. I love you." When she looked back, Sim was beaming at her, and she couldn't help but give her small smile back. It wasn't perfect - not yet - but she was going to try. She was going to love Sim because she couldn't be with the only one she could ever love more.

**

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I'm not sorry, but i think that's the end. I'll change the status tomorrow unless I think that there's another chapter's worth of story to tell. You can either leave the story in peace there and let Rose have her happy ending with Sim (although judging by the reviews, no one will want that). OR you can continue reading my sequel to this story and find out what could POSSIBLY happen to these two young lovers. I'm going to call my new story... I don't know. I'll probably just make it up when i post the first chapter. **

I do wonder whether anyone noticed my massively huge, reader-confusing mistake in chapter 7. I fixed it when i saw it, but i wondered why nobody pointed it out to me. Chocolate for whoever tells me what it was first. (Not you Tania. I mean a signed review.)

I hope you all enjoyed reading this because I poured my heart and soul into it. I agonised over every word ('fake' for a very, very long time) and this is your last chance to review and tell me you liked it (or hated it, it's your opinion) last chance to comment on my writing - and as a budding young writer, i would appreciate something to that effect.

Mikkifavo


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